Debate of the dead (what do they see in us?)

[rocinante]

I was talking to a very dear friend today and...hoho...get this...he seems to believe that zombies have laser eyesight! That they can cut people to ribbons just by looking at them! The man's a fool.

Erm...DO zombies have laser eyesight?

[mcv]

when i saw you earlier wasn't it you insisting zombies had laser eyesght and everyone else disbelieving?

[rocinante]

No! Jesus, the opposite is in fact true. It was Nic, remember, Nic was the one who was adamant that zombies had laser eyesight, not me.

[Chris]

I have to say that it sounds like a ridiculous idea, but then it would be a bit rude, not to say dangerous, to assume otherwise. I mean, what if one came up to you in the street and Lazered your ass?

[rocinante]

That's an interesting point Chris. Our one line of defence against the undead is the fact that we can move faster than they can. But this laser eye theory means that no longer will we be able to outrun them. Terrifying thought that were the dead to rise we'd be completely defenceless. Maybe our refusal to believe in the laser eye theory is just a refusal to accept that we cannot defeat the undead.

[Tom]

why would dying give you the ability to use laser eyesight?
i have to say that a lot of zombie films these days have zombies that can run around, taking away our advantage of speed. the people who make these films obviously know nothing. once rigor mortis has set in, even if they come back to life, they aint running anywhere!

[rocinante]

That's a very valid point, Tom. I know that the zombies can run in the Dawn of the Dead remake. That was simply an attempt to inject some new life into a much loved film, to seperate it from the original. The running fiends in 28 days later aren't zombies because they aren't dead. We must not lose sleep over running zombies because zombies will never run. However, I see no reason why laser eyesight shouldn't worry us. We should dress in mirrored suits in order to deflect their deathly rays. It's the only way to be sure.

[Tom]

that sounds like a good idea, but im not sure it would work. if there were mirrors everywhere, wouldnt the lasers just kinda bounce around everywhere, destroying everything in its path. we might survive, but the rest of the world would have had the shit lasered out of it.

[rocinante]

Be that as it may, the world would already be suffering from an outbreak of zombification. I think we'd have to forget about the civilisation we know and love, it would be even more dead than the zombies. We'd enter a new era, post apocalyptic, and frequent laser assaults would simply have to be a feature of this new world order.

[Tom]

i think we are looking at this in a little bit too much detail. whos to say that the zombies will ever rise from their graves, and if they do, i think its extremely unlikely they will have laser vision.
they might be able to spray acid though. we should probably watch out for that.

[rocinante]

Would this acid dissolve or zombify us?

[Tom]

both! it will dissolve us slightly, killing us, but leaving enough of a corpse to rise from the dead after an hour or so, and wander the streets with blistering skin, and a desire to spray acid at anything living.

[rocinante]

And eat brains, obviously. What a horrible thought.